Every year, when it’s my birthday, I like to reflect on the year that passed. With the pandemic, I thought that this year would be a complete write-off. The beginning of quarantine was really difficult. Though I’m very fortunate to not have lost my job or be affected severely by the pandemic, social isolation and a lack of routine did make me feel extremely lonely and just a bit lost in life.
Quarantine gave me a special opportunity to learn more about myself. There’s a lot that social distancing has taught me and that’s exactly where my mind has been. So here are some of the lessons I’ve learned this year so far.
1. Most people live life dictated by the opinions of others
(Including me)
Isolation was the wake up call I needed. It made me realise how much of my life I did actually live for others, whether I was aware of it or not before. At the beginning, everything I was doing felt meaningless, because, no one was watching anymore. At university, performance was condensed to just numbers on a screen. At work, I wasn’t constantly getting verbal validation and that made me feel small and well in life, there was very little social interaction with anyone really, so I just felt forgotten.
It was depressing but this was everything.
For a few months, I blamed the lack of social interaction for my unhappiness. I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. It made me focus on everything that was wrong with me. I had the worst body image that I’ve ever had. I was the most unmotivated I’d ever been at university and work. I constantly questioned whether I’d chosen the right degree because it was too hard. Every day I woke up questioning what I was doing with my life. I just had such a fixed mindset. It was like my body was addicted to social validation to gain any sense of happiness or fulfilment and I just wasn’t getting that anymore.
It was tough but I really needed this.
2. Live life like no one is watching
Spending so much time alone with nothing to do gave me time to really think about what I’m living life for, what I’m passionate about. I realised I needed to find intrinsic motivation. I couldn’t continue doing things for external validation. I need to create a life for myself that I’m excited to live.
I started working more, I got into cooking and baking, I started studying on my own accord and yes, of course, I started writing. I’ve always enjoyed writing and though the career I’ve chosen doesn’t really lend itself to that, I realised I can always pursue it as a hobby. I also just want a place to share things I learn, whether it be technical or personal.
Once I started to find things I was passionate about, everything started to make sense.
I realised that your looks are just such a small part of what you have to offer to the world. If you find something else to focus on, if you find something you’re passionate about, you won’t care about such superficial things anymore.
I realised the “fake it til you make it” mentality I used to swear by was such bullshit. Living with that mindset was the reason I always felt like an imposter. If you’re passionate about what you do and you want to be there, you won’t need to fake it. You’ll simply just do it.
I realised my self worth doesn’t have to be dictated by the opinions of others. This is my life and I can do my own thing.
3. Enjoy Spending Time with Yourself
Spending so much time in my own head reinforced how important it is to like yourself as a person. At the beginning of quarantine, I was my own worst enemy. I hated being by myself. I hated being in my own head with my own thoughts. So what did I realise? In life, you will always have yourself. That will be the only constant in your life. So if you continue to live life like this, you’ll be miserable forever.
Our relationship with ourselves is hardly ever talked about. Often we don’t think about the way we talk to ourselves, because it doesn’t really matter when you have a million other things to do keeping you occupied. But when you’re bored. When you have no one to talk to. When you have nothing to do. That’s when your relationship with yourself can either ruin you or uplift you. So just like how you choose your friends or partner, analyse this. Is your relationship with yourself toxic? Are you constantly putting yourself down? Do you even like yourself? And work on it. Your relationship with yourself, like any other relationship, needs constant work. Prioritise that.
4. Keep Busy
When we first went into quarantine at the beginning of the year, I didn’t have a proper routine and adopted the mentality that I would be “easy on myself” during this tough time. I thought it would be a blast. You’re saying I get to do whatever I want whenever I want? But what I found was that my days weren’t fun and I didn’t feel free. I was bored. Every day seemed to just merge into one. Weeks and months seemed to drag on endlessly. Life suddenly felt like an obligation and I had no energy.
After establishing routine, I realised that it was the lack of structure in my days that made me miserable. Finding routine during this time, whether you have a job or not, whether you’re still studying or not, is important and will keep you sane. Boredom and feeling directionless is the worst feeling. Routine will help you feel a sense of fulfilment everyday and help you keep on progressing and accomplishing your goals even through this strange time. So make a to-do list everyday. Set yourself a schedule. Whatever works for you, just keep busy.
5. Enjoy the Simple Things in Life
Half way through this year, when I was feeling really down, I started a ‘photo a day’ instagram account where I post a photo daily (I’m still doing it!), usually just a random photo and write some of my thoughts on the day. Things I’m grateful for, things I’m stressed about. Just anything that’s on my mind.
Doing this made me realise that life doesn’t have to be particularly exciting to be fun. I didn’t need an extravagant holiday to be happy. I didn’t need to constantly be out and about and distracted to feel excitement. I didn’t need an escape from my life to look forward to. I just needed to find the excitement in the daily, seemingly mundane tasks. I needed to find gratitude for all the small, simple things.
That’s all life is. It’s the very ordinary activities that make up most of our days. So if you want to be happy, you need to find the joy in living a normal life. You might think that more money, that new designer bag or a fancy holiday will make you happy, but it won’t. Happiness is all about mindset. It’s internal. These things might offer you temporary happiness but if you don’t like your life when you’re just doing normal things, there will always be a void there you won’t be able to fill.
6. Don’t Stop Learning
This is a great time to learn a new skill, start that side hustle you always wanted to or pick up a new hobby. While the rest of the world might be at a halt, it doesn’t mean your life or your learning has to be.
I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, but hear me out. Though I know a lot of people are against perpetuating the mentality that you have to be productive during quarantine, if you’re privileged to be in a situation where you find yourself just lounging around at home, this is still time. It’s still time in your life you’re never going to get back. So use it wisely.
Being in quarantine made me realise that your mind is actually a wonderful place, and though, I’ve hardly left my home or even my desk really, I’ve learned and grown the most this year, both on a technical and personal level. So keep on learning and don’t stop, even when the world does return to normal.
7. Connection
Cherish the relationships you have with your friends and family. You can’t fight your battles alone. If you’re feeling lonely, reach out to those who care about you. If anything, social isolation has shown us how important our relationships are. How important it is to have people to call on when you’re feeling happy, when you’re feeling sad or when you’re feeling nothing at all and need someone to talk to. The people in our lives are what make life worth living. So hold them close. Your relationships are very special.
I gained a lot of mental clarity being in quarantine. Though I can’t say this year was jam packed with travel, conventionally new experiences or even just going out to meet new people, quarantine pushed me to places in my mind I’d never been before. It forced me to confront some of my greatest insecurities that I’d avoided for a very long time. Learning these lessons and reflecting on what I value in life strengthened my sense of self. Though uncomfortable, I really needed this.
So here’s to turning 23 and hopefully another year filled with many more life lessons, studying, working, doing very normal things and (sadly but most likely) social distancing.
